The Daily Life of the Volturi
by Rare but somehow funny
Summary: Pretty much self-explanatory... it's all based on an inside joke.
1. Dirty Floors

HELLO!!!! Well... This is all an inside joke that me and my cousin made up. We kind off discussed all of the volturi's personality.

For example: Aro is always fascinated by something, Marcus doesn't care about anything, Caius is always angry for no reason, Demitri is a mindless violent brute, Felix loves to grab throats... for no reason, Jane loves to be appraised, and Alec doesn't do much... pretty much invisible.

So... I hope this tickles your fancy :D ENJOY!

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Inside the walls of Volterra, we meet up with the Lords of all vampires.

Aro: "Hmmm... interesting."

Jane: "What's interesting?" *Hoping she impressed him*

Aro: "Someone didn't clean up the floors properly."

Jane: "I'll get to it right away!" *Runs away to come back with a pile of cleaning supplies*

Aro: "How intriguing..... where did you find that stuff?"

Caius: "It doesn't matter..... the floors are dirty.... CLEAN NOW!!!

Marcus: "Oh hush, Caius." *Yawns* "I don't care."

Cais: "NO, I WANT CLEAN FLOORS!"

*Jane starts cleaning*

Aro: "How amusing is this?" *stares at the floors being sweeped*

Cais: "Amusing?" *cackles*

Marcus: "It's very much boring."

*Jane finished sweeping*

Caius: "YOU MISSED A SPOT!!!!" *Looks over at Demitri and Felix* KILL HER!!!

Aro: "Interesting.... a spot is missed?"

Marcus: "It's just spot.... no big deal."

Felix: *Run over to Jane, and grabs her throat* "Hi, Jane."

Aro: *Walks over to Felix and Jane* "Hmm.. let her go... I want her to explain how she missed that spot... I wonder?"

Marcus: *Yawn* "Does it matter?"

Caius: MOTHERF***KER!!

Aro: " What language...hmm, interesting"

Cais: *Twitch*

Aro: *Turns to Jane* "How did you miss that spot?" *Impressed*

Jane: "I was sweeping too fast that I couldn't see it." *Rather smug*

Aro: "Wonderful... quite reasonable."

Caius: "KILL HER!"

Marcus: *Yawn*

*Demitri smashes a vase at Jane's head*

Aro: "Hmmm...interesting... Marcus's vase is broken."

Marcus: "Doesn't matter."

Aro: "Simply marvelous!"

Caius: *HISS*

Aro: *His smile disapears and then he realized something* "Where's Alec?"

Marcus: "Don't know. Don't Care."

* * *

I'm so sorry... this was just so random :D


	2. Go Fish

HEY EVERYONE!!! In the last chapter I made a mistake, um... I had Demitri confused with Felix. So in truth... Felix has the mentality of a violent brute, while Demitri loves to grab throats for no reason. I'm sorry. *Punish me!!!* Hehe

So anyways.... I hope you enjoy this next chapter!!

* * *

It was beautiful rainy day in Volterra, and the Volturi have decided to spend it by playing a game of "Go Fish".

Aro: "Hmmm... I'm curious.... Caius, you have any 2s?"

Caius: "NO!"

Marcus: "This game bores me." *Yawns*

Aro: *Rests his chin on his palm* "Go fish... oh how lovely it is to say that!!! And I'm not actually fishing... How genius!"

Caius: "If any of you try to look at my cards.... I'll kill you."

Jane: "You have any queens?"

Cais: "DAMN IT, JANE!!!" *Hands Jane a queen, while glaring at her*

Jane: *Smiles at Aro* "I'm winning!"

Aro: "How intriguing?"

Marcus: "Oh look... I had a queen too, but I didn't bother to give it to you because I don't care."

Aro: *Smiles at Marcus* "Oh, you're so conniving...why is that?"

Caius: "JANE IS CHEATING.... KILL HER!!"

Jane: "You're just mad because you don't know how to play." *Slaps Demetri's hand away from her throat and hisses at Felix*

Aro: "Interesting.... Marcus, do you have a jack?"

Marcus: "Take all of my cards.... I'm so bored." *Drops his cards on the table and stands up*

Jane: "But you can't do that."

Marcus: "I don't give a damn."

Caius: "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" *Hiss*

Marcus: *Yawn* "To find Alec...that boy is always disappearing."

Alec: "I'm right here playing."

Aro: "Interesting... did you all hear that?"

* * *

HEHE!!!


	3. Thirst and complaints

Hi! Sooo.... I'm just going to just...umm I don't have much to say so... Enjoy the 3rd chapter!

* * *

Volterra, Italy is under the overwhelming heat of the sun. It's nearly 90 degrees, and the Supreme vampires are thirsty.

Caius: "I'M THIRSTY!"

Marcus: "Blood comes and goes... no matter." *Yawn*

Aro: "Hmm....I wonder..did Heidi go fishing today?"

Caius: "SHE BETTER HAVE!"

Marcus: *Sighs* "Whatever."

Jane: "I think she has, Aro." *Smiling*

Aro: "How marvelous!"

Caius: "She needs to hurry the F*%ck up!"

Aro: "Hmm... interesting, Caius, you never explained that sort of language."

Marcus: "It's no big deal, Aro."

Caius: "Where is Heidi?!"

Jane: Fishing food

Caius: "DEMETRI AND FELIX, KILL HEIDI!"

*The two idiots followed Caius's orders and left*

Jane: "You can't do that, she's important."

Marcus: "Nothing is important." *Stretches and yawns*

Aro: "I wonder... if Heidi is terminated...then who will responsible to lure humans?"

Jane: "Aro, I'm perfectly capable of doing it!" *Jumping with excitement*

Caius: "DO IT!!!" *Twitch* "MY THIRST IS KILLING ME!"

Marcus: "Mine is boring me."

Aro: "Curious." *Eyes widens in fascination as Felix and Demetri turn up with Heidi*

Caius: "WHY IS SHE ALIVE?!" *Twitch* "HEIDI WHERE'S THE FOOD?"

*Heidi releases herself from Felix's grip and smacks Demetri's hand away from her throat*

Heidi: "Is that why I'm used for?" *Glares at Caius* "For food?"

Aro: "Hmm...interesting...she has a point, Caius.. is she?

Marcus: "I don't really care about you, Heidi... go fish."

Jane: "I can do it!"

Caius: "SILENCE, JANE!!" *Glares at Heidi* "GO FISH NOW!"

Heidi: *Rolls her eyes* "Ugh."

*Just then, the doors open and the scent of human fills up the room and the feeding frenzy begins*

Aro: "Amazing!" *Looks at Heidi as he finishes his meal* You're not even outside and yet you still managed to lure them...interesting."

Alec: *Clears his throat* "Umm.. I lure them, Aro." *Walks away angrily*

* * *

Lol... yea. Sorry, I forgot to mention my opinion about Heidi.... which is that she's only used for food. Who cares about how she feels? If she brings food... then it's all good :D Hehe


	4. The Garden

Wow, I'm lazy! Sorry for the wait.

* * *

In the most secretive spot in Italy, the Volturi try to enjoy the fresh air in their garden.

Aro: "Curious? I didn't know we had a garden."

Caius: "ME NEITHER!" *Hiss*

Marcus: "Oh look...... I didn't care before so I don't care now... too bad." *Yawn*

Jane: "I think I know who planted this garden." *Looks at Aro, hoping for some reward*

Caius: "WHO DID IT?!" *Twitch* "DEATH IS HIS/HER SENTENCE!"

Aro: "Interesting...who did it?"

Jane: "You killed her two centuries ago." *Impressed with herself*

Aro: *Smiles* "So... this means this garden has been here for quite sometime...hmm."

Caius: "It's a good thing we killed her.... THIS GARDEN SUCKS!!"

Marcus: *Sarcastic* "Wow, two centuries ago..... big deal."

Aro: "What had she done to deserve death.... I wonder." *Gets in a thinking position.*

Jane: "She committed treason." *Looks over at Marcus* "You should remember this."

Marcus: *Stops daydreaming* "Umm what?"

Jane: "She committed treason, you should remember."

Marcus: *Yawns* Oh, I thought you said something important."

Caius: "THOSE WHO COMMIT TREASON SHOULD DIE!" *Hiss* "DEMITRI AND FELIX GO KILL THEM!"

*Demitri and Felix follow the command*

Jane: *Scowls at Caius* "But we don't know who they are yet."

Aro: "Hmm.. she has a point, Caius."

Caius: *Growls* "Fine... Marcus... START SENSING!"

Marcus: "Nah, I'll pass." *Yawns*

Aro: "Curious?" *Picks up a flower and twirls it around in his dainty fingers* "I'm so talented with this.... how I wonder?"

Jane: *Stares at Aro in amazement*

Aro continues on playing with the flower until he accidentally bumps into Alec.

Aro: *Turns around to face Alec* "Alec.. where have you been... you missed the whole history of this mysterious garden."

Alec: *Sighs* "I know, I was here the whole time... listening."

Aro: *Gasps* "You were?!" *Pause* "How interesting?"

CAIUS: "HE'S A SPY.... KILL HIM!!!!"


	5. Hide and Seek!

Hey, everyone... I've been pretty busy with a shit load of stuff. It's ridiculous! College life is not as easy as I thought. Ugh, but thank goodness, I'm almost done. :)

And the other chapters of the other stories...don't worry, I'm still working on them. There are some that I'm having trouble with but I'm sure in the end it'll turn out for the best. Hehe! But in the meantime... enjoy this little chappie :)

Toodles!

* * *

It was another beautiful sunny day in Volterra, Italy, and Aro was standing alone in a dark corner, his icy-white hands covering his scarlet eyes.

Aro: Hmm? I wonder what comes after 19. Curious...

Jane: It's twenty, master!

Aro: Interesting! *laughs to himself* I can't believe I forgot that!

Caius: Hurry up and find us! *Hiss*

Marcus: Please do. *Yawn* Caius is taking up the whole space.

Caius: I'LL KILL YOU, MARCUS!

Marcus: *Bored*

Jane: Shh! Master is coming!

Marcus: I don't want to play anymore. This game bores me.

Caius: SHUT UP! YOU BOTH ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!

Aro: Ready or not *Giggles childishly* Here I come! Oh, this game makes me so giddy!

Jane: Master's coming!

Marcus: *Reads a book and steps out of his hiding place*

Aro: *Sees Marcus and pokes him on the shoulder* Aha! I found you!

Marcus: Should I be surprised? *Flips through a third page*

Aro: Oh, how marvelous! *Looks around the ancient room* Where are the others?

Marcus: Don't know...Don't give a fu-

Caius: YOU CAN'T DO THAT! *Twitch* CHEATER!

Jane: Caius, please be quiet! You're going to give us away!

Caius: FELIX, DEMITRI! KILL JANE!

*Felix and Demitri reluctantly surrendered to Aro, the seeker, and stalked over to where Jane was hiding*

Aro: How intriguing! *Dances a little jig* Ha! I found three in a row!

Marcus: *Snaps his book shut and points somewhere up ahead, causing the happy seeker to look*

Aro: Aha! *Runs over to Caius who was hiding behind a tiny lamp.* You almost fooled me there, Caius! How marvelous!

Caius: *Hisses* How did you find me? *Points at Aro with a threatening finger* Who told you?

Jane: HANDS OFF THE THROAT, DEMITRI!

*The stony bodies of the brutish guards flew past Aro, who dramatically twirled on the spot from the fuming blond vampire*

Caius: I HATE HIDE AND SEEK! *Twitch* I NEVER WIN!

Aro: This was so much fun! *Smiles widely at everyone* It's surprises me how I always win.

Marcus: I don't care.

Jane: I hate you, Caius *Crosses her arms like a stubborn child*

Caius: *Twitches madly while foaming at the mouth*

Aro: Hmm, I wonder? Did I find everyone? *Holds a finger to his temple*

*Everyone nods theirs heads except for poor Alec, who was standing right next to his sister*

* * *

:) HI! Guess what? I just turned 21! Ugh... Bring out the tequila -.-


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